Conflict between colleagues

A conflict is a disagreement where one or more of the persons becomes emotionally involved. Read here how you can prevent conflicts with colleagues in time and prevent disagreements from developing negatively.

Exaple: You never tidy up!

It’s been agreed at the shop that everyone should tidy up after themselves in the stockroom and in the back room when they end their shift. But on a busy Friday night, Mads doesn’t have time to tidy up and decides it is better to serve more customers and help increase turnover.

On Saturday, Christian gets really annoyed when he comes to work, because yet again there’s a mess and it hasn’t been tidied up. On the following Monday, Christian and Mads have a shift together, and Christian is quick to criticise Mads for not doing as agreed. Mads, on the other hand, feels it’s more important to ensure a good turnover and backs this up by saying that there’s usually more time for tidying up on Saturday mornings. But Christian thinks that Mads is just trying get out of doing the boring tasks and passing them onto his colleagues.

The conversation develops into a row and the two colleagues part in anger.

What is a conflict?

There are many different definitions of what constitutes a conflict. We define a conflict as:

A disagreement in which one or more parties become emotionally involved.

  • Disagreement: A conflict always involves a matter or an issue that the parties in the conflict disagree about.
  • One or more parties: Two parties might be in conflict, even though only one of them experiences the situation as an actual conflict. If a colleague is angry and acts hostile towards you, you’re in conflict with them no matter how you yourself experience the situation.
  • Emotional: What separates a disagreement and a conflict is that at least one of the parties becomes emotionally involved. In a disagreement, the parties may accept and respect each other’s opinions and discuss the matter. The disagreement only becomes a conflict if one or both parties take what the other party says personally and react by becoming angry, irritated, sad or similar.

Many conflicts arise out of misunderstandings, or because we misinterpret intentions. We can disagree fundamentally about something and have conflicting interests without the situation turning into a conflict.

Five types of conflict

1. Pseudo-conflicts: Often occur due to misunderstandings, or lack of or failed communication. Characterised by poor dialogue with hostility and fighting. Occur in a working environment without trust and cooperation.

  • How to handle: Bring all information to light. Listen and ask open-ended questions to understand how the two parties acted as they did. Don’t judge. Don’t go into a discussion about who is to blame for the misunderstanding.

2. Relationship conflicts: Could be due to differences, as well as deep and unconscious emotions about identity, self-worth, loyalty, trust and rejection. Characterised by emotional disagreement. The relationship between the parties has been damaged.

  • How to handle: Open communication. Listen and ask questions so the parties can tell their stories and listen to each other’s expectations and needs.

3. Process conflicts: Are about objectives, means, methods and procedures. What needs to be done? Who will be responsible for what? How should the task be solved?

  • How to handle: Dialogue. Find objective criteria and arguments to address the problems.

4. Conflicts of interest: These conflicts are about which interest should be prioritised when not all interests can be catered for. Can lead to frustration, gossip and rumours. Characterised by competition for resources, for example the allocation of tasks, courses, time and materials.

  • How to handle: Dialogue to achieve mutual understanding for each other’s wishes. Negotiations through a real willingness to compromise. Use the manager’s formal authority to decide disputes.

5. Value conflicts: Are about culture and personal values and opinions. What’s right and what’s wrong? Moral and ethical disagreements, traditions, etc.

  • How to handle: Through dialogue, so the parties can hear each other out and listen to each other’s stories. Learn to acknowledge each other’s differences and respect each other.

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Last revised at 04. July 2023